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The United States is obsessed with virginity — from the media to schools to government agencies. In The Purity Myth, Jessica Valenti argues that the country’s intense focus on chastity is damaging to young women. Through in-depth cultural and social analysis, Valenti reveals that powerful messaging on both extremes — ranging from abstinence-only curriculum to "Girls Gone Wild" infomercials — place a young woman's worth entirely on her sexuality. Morals are therefore linked purely to sexual behavior, rather than values like honesty, kindness, and altruism. Valenti sheds light on the value — and hypocrisy — around the notion that girls remain virgins until they’re married by putting into context the historical question of purity, modern abstinence-only education, pornography, and public punishments for those who dare to have sex. The Purity Myth presents a revolutionary argument that girls and women are overly valued for their sexuality, as well as solutions for a future without a damaging emphasis on virginity.
- Sales Rank: #438496 in eBooks
- Published on: 2009-03-24
- Released on: 2009-03-24
- Format: Kindle eBook
From Booklist
Making a cult of virginity via media stereotyping and “abstinence-only” sex education damages young women, Valenti says, and rolls back women’s rights by emphasizing sexuality and deprecating personal character. Furthermore, the book’s most thought-provoking chapter points up an insidious connection between chastity and pornography: “the porning of America” is vital to those in the virginity movement, which needs increasingly available hard-core porn to justify its extreme regressivism. The dangerous belief that a woman’s primary value is sexual underlies the objectification and sexualization at the heart of the virginity movement’s agenda of controlling and defining women, Valenti maintains. When young women see their bodies and sexuality as commodities, that isn’t caused by porn culture but by “a larger societal message that . . . their sexuality is not their own.” So, is a “post-virgin world” possible? Full of piercing insight and wit (recalling her own sexual initiation, Valenti quips, “I fail to see how anything that lasts less than five minutes can have such an indelible ethical impact”), this is an important addition to women’s studies. --Whitney Scott
About the Author
Jessica Valenti is the founder and Executive Editor of Feministing.com, and the author of Full Frontal Feminism and The Purity Myth. Her writing has appeared in many publications including The Guardian, and in 2007 she was named one of Elle magazine's 2007 IntELLEgentsia. She lives in Astoria, New York.
Most helpful customer reviews
123 of 136 people found the following review helpful.
I hear her loud and clear!
By LindaT
As the daughter of an Evangelical Christian minister (I often tell people that I cut my teeth on a Scofield Reference Bible) I should be on the defensive about this book. But actually, I found it worthwhile to read.
I grew up believing that virginity was a good thing, but I noticed that most of the burden of being a "virgin" was put on the girl and not on the guy. While many preachers and Bible teachers gave some lip-service to young men to abstain until marriage, I got the impression that pre-marital sex didn't seem to "damage" them us much as it supposedly "damaged" a woman. And the older I got, the more I thought, "If I am not to be 'damaged goods,' then I certainly don't want to marry a 'goods damager.'" You don't even have to be a feminist to know that a woman is not a man's possession. and these chastity and purity rituals that some young women are going through (BTW -- these were not happening when I was a teenager) make my jaw drop.
It seems to me that young women are faulted both for having sex and not having it. If we are having it, we are trashy, and if we aren't having it we are treated like ignorant little girls who knew nothing. Or we get called gay. (Yes, people try to throw that at women and girls, too!)
I also agreed greatly with the author when she decried the difficulty women have in getting a rape conviction if the woman in question was not a virgin when she was raped. To me, that's the same mentality as not prosecuting someone for stealing merchandise that was already stolen!
Perhaps my biggest problem is with the book is that I am still uncomfortable with the abortion issue. It's not a cut/dried matter, and I think that both sides of the issue over simplify things. However, this does not mean that the writer doesn't make some extremely good points about the double standard, and her points are well-taken.
Thankfully, there are a lot of good, rational men out there who reject the double standard. One of them, happily, is my husband, who approves this message!
149 of 169 people found the following review helpful.
Thought Provoking... And Left Me Wanting More
By K. Howard
I suppose the fact that this book left me wanting more can be both a positive and negative thing. Overall, this book offers a fresh perspective on why the virginity/chastity/purity movement is harmful to young women. Jessica drives home the point that young women are more than whether or not they've had premarital sex and society/media has done a poor job of acknowledging that, as the stories we hear about women and sexuality often reinforce the virgin/whore dichotomy.
Too often young women are depicted as tainted, unlovable and dirty unless they adhere to a strict model of what the Christian Right deems acceptable sexuality. The book discusses at great length abstinence only sex education classes where girls are being taught that they are like a "used lollipop" if they have sex before marriage, and worse for young women (and men) the book offers evidence that some educators are flat out lying to students. (e.g. exaggerating the failure rates of condoms and discounting or even denying their effectiveness in preventing STDs)
One thing Jessica points out that I never really thought about before is that "...young women who are sexually exploited are often young women of color from low-income communities who are perceived as inherently loose, unredeemable and hopeless." If you think about it this is true, because you have to be a "certain" type of girl to be thought of as a victim of sexual crime in the media (young, pretty, usually white - definitely a virgin). Otherwise, the woman is thought to be complicit in her attack. (she's on the streets anyways, she likes it, she's a slut already...etc).
Many many good things about this book, but what I would've liked to see more of is discussion on how the purity movement affects friendships between young women and they way we treat each other as women. As someone who grew up religious and was guilty of "slut shaming" others for something as innocuous as "making out", I was part of this movement and indoctrinated with thinking that sex before marriage = slut and was thus very concerned with my perceived purity/lack of "sluttiness."
I'm sure there will be many people on the right who will accuse the author (and pretty much all feminists) of promoting promiscuity but that's not what this is about at all. This book is about presenting a radical idea that sex and sexuality is more complex and nuanced than "pure" vs. impure", "virgin" vs. "whore." It's about being honest and breaking the cycle of judgment and ridiculous standards that most people don't adhere to here.
I'm actually surprised I haven't seen more reviews on this book, but I hope I do because as someone who has been on both sides of this movement I'm interested in hearing more discussion from both sides. But like Jessica, I'm tired of hearing the "feminists want girls to be slutty" argument. Overall, this is a really good book. So good that I just changed my review from 4 to 5 stars (I didn't want to seem like a gushing fangirl... but whatev, maybe I am. Sue me). But hey, at least I read the whole book before posting a review on it... :)
25 of 29 people found the following review helpful.
Good read for those who already agree
By Melody & Words
Summary
Jessica Valenti argues in The Purity Myth that the United States is obsessed with virginity. She asserts that those associated with the abstinence movement are perpetuating the virgin/whore dichotomy, which sets up only two kinds of women: one to be admired and emulated and the other to be disgraced and shunned. Valenti opposes the idea that a sexually active woman is "tainted" or "impure" and thereby unworthy, and she protests against the movement's emphasis on chastity, marriage, and parenthood.
She comments, "In this mess of chastity expectations, objectification, and control of women, we have lost a very fundamental truth: Sex is amazing, and there's nothing wrong or dirty or shameful or sinful about it."
In particular, she takes to task:
The abstinence teacher who tells her students that they'll go to jail if they have premarital sex. The well-funded organization that tells girls on college campuses that they should be looking for a husband, not taking women's studies classes. The judge who rules against a rape survivor because she didn't meet whatever standard for a victim he had in mind. The legislator who pushes a bill to limit young women's access to abortion because he doesn't think they are smart enough to make their own decisions. These are the people who are making the world a worse place--and a more dangerous one, at that--for girls and women.
Analysis
If you already believe that the abstinence movement is harming young women, you will like this book. If you don't, you're not likely to change your mind.
There were many parts of this book that I enjoyed. However, I came to it hoping for a clear-eyed, well-argued account of the effects of the movement toward abstinence and virginity. I wanted to recommend the book to my friends who remain on the fence about the issues that Valenti discusses.
This book instead only reinforces the dichotomy between supporters and detractors of abstinence. Much of her prose reads like, well, a pugilistic and snarky blog entry, dominated by her strong opinions. She openly derides those who support the virginity movement, and suggests that her side is the only one to see the finer nuances of the point:
"[F]or those who buy into the virginity movement, the only alternative to being a virgin is being a whore. There's no in-between for them; there are no shades of gray when it comes to sexuality. . ."
Rather than seeking to build a bridge to the other side, Valenti sets up a fort on her side of the chasm.
That being said, there were many points made in the book that bear repeating.
Valenti begins by exploring how society has put youth on a pedestal. The increasing sexualization of young girls, she explains, cuts both ways--childlike innocence is valued in women of all ages. She observes, "Young women are being trained to be not autonomous adults, but perpetual children whose sexuality is strictly defined and owned, like that of traditional wives-in-training."
One of the more powerful chapters of the book is devoted to abstinence-only education. More than just teaching children to say "no," Valenti writes, "abstinence-only curricula . . . are built on outdated notions of gender norms and sexist stereotypes about sexuality and relationships, and ultimately seek a return to traditional gender norms." Valenti argues that the abstinence movement is not supported very broadly within U.S. society, despite the federal funding it receives. She supports her statements with solid research:
According to a study published in Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine, 82 percent of Americans support programs that teach contraception as well as abstinence, and half of all Americans oppose abstinence-only education altogether. Even among those who describe themselves as conservatives, 70 percent support comprehensive sex education.
Valenti's professional experience includes working at the National Organization for Women's legal defense fund, and she has a good handle on legislative issues. Valenti proposes that men--still predominant in politics and policymaking--are making the laws about women's bodies, seeking legislation ranging from blocking minors' access to the over-the-counter "morning after" pill, to requiring the father's note of approval before a woman can have an abortion, to requesting that women report miscarriages within 12 hours for fear of facing murder charges. In Valenti's opinion, a push toward laws such as these signifies that women aren't trusted to make their own decisions.
Valenti cites disturbing cases of violence against women, such as that of a young woman who was drinking late at a bar and was kidnapped, tortured, raped, murdered, and dumped beside the road. Another appalling case involved a woman in the Air Force who was raped and, when she reported the crime, was charged with "indecent acts"--essentially being punished for her own rape. In cases such as these, women are often criticized for making poor decisions when they "know better," but Valenti takes umbrage at the blatant victim-blaming attitude of the media and authorities by stating unequivocally, "Women do not get raped because they weren't careful enough. Women get raped because someone raped them."
While I appreciate her in-depth criticism of violence against women (and how it is handled in the media), the mention of violence against men was virtually nil. The only time she even mentions the rape of men is while criticizing an Axe body spray advertisement featuring women harassing and sexually assaulting the men who use Axe. In interpreting the ad as solely making "light of actual violence against women," Valenti herself trivializes very real sexual violence against men.
The author does touch upon the often-overlooked issue of hypermasculinity, though. She comments:
As much as the virginity movement is based upon the idea that a woman's worth is dependent upon her sexuality, it's also mired in the belief that traditional masculinity is superior and its preservation is necessary.
Valenti discusses the harmful effects of masculine ideals upon both men and women; men are supposed to be strong, insensitive, and, above all, NOT womanlike. Not only does this ideology create inequality between the sexes, but it also humiliates men who reveal a sensitive or passive personality, often questioning their sexuality and "manliness" and therefore their very worth.
Which brings me to another one of Valenti's points: queer sexuality is completely overlooked in an abstinence movement that "seeks to create a world where everyone is straight, women are relegated to the home, the only appropriate family is a nuclear one, reproductive choices are negated, and the only sex people have is for procreation." I'm not surprised; many of the conservative and often religious forces behind the abstinence movement are also anti-gay.
While Valenti has some interesting comments to make about the abstinence movement and its effects upon women's empowerment, her points are occasionally weakened by her bias. However, I did enjoy many parts of the book, and I would recommend it to anyone with an interest in the abstinence movement and feminism.
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